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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Xander Harris' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 31st, 2005
2:14 pm
the new hellmouth
Things have been hectic, hell who am I kidding thigns have been pretty much zoo shaped around here. Little slayerettes running around dropping their stakes in the hallway, one day someone's gonna slip and put an eye out. Then I'm sure Buffy won't let any have ice cream after dinner that night, no siree.

Things really had been getting all ooky some big ole evil was brewing, as per usual in Sunnyhell, or atleast I'm pretty sure an evil is brewing, I'm usually the last to get the memo, but it always says the same thing.

As of late, the Scooby Gang's kind of become the Scooby army, and I never really see me girls anymore. But they were off saving the world, and I was changing lightbulbs.

I walked down the hallway past Willow and Kennedy's door. I heard the rhythmic tapping of Will's keyboard. that witchy woman was always up to something. I heard her close her laptop and almost continued walking no reason to disturb her...

I pushed the door open gently, the thin beam of light danging through her auburn hair. "Psst. Willster...psst." I had never really mastered the art of whispering.
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
3:39 pm
normal again post
It's been a hard few nights, patroling the graveyard was beginning to actually require a bit of effort on my part. Normally fresh out of the grave vamps weren't really a bother, getting their dead legs and what not, but lately...

I reached up and rubbed a rather large bruise on the right side of my chest.

I had never seen two of them work together so well being so new.. something was brewing, but wasn't it always? This is the Hellmouth afterall.

My eyes jumped quickly to the window tapestry, the bright red of reflected rays was dulling to a deep crimson. Soon I'd be able to get out, to find her, to tell here everything...to warn her. To once again watch her from the shadows, too terrified to admit my own faults. To tell her what really stirred within my unbeating heart. This time I'd keep things business-like I wouldn't let my feeling get in the way.

I had centuries of deaths to atone for, I had no room for love-affairs and folleys. The last of the sun licked at the bottom of my curtains and I turned quickly, majesticly and grabbed my coat. The things that went bump in the night would get bumped back tonight. My door swung open with out a creak or a hiss as if it coudl sense my anticipation and didn't want to bother me.

The night embraced me as one of its children, it caressed me and held me close and steadily to the shadows. Concealing me from the lazy hustle an dbustle as people urrid home ot the warm and love of their families and the glow of the ir comforting television sets. They lived in ignorant bliss because individual sliek myself and the scooby gang kept the monsters out from under their beds.

Giles' that was a start. I arrived much more quickly than I expected. My hands stayed buried in my pocets for a debatable time and then gently I knocked.
Monday, August 11th, 2003
1:38 am
V_I_L 7 & 8
"Of course precious." I said with a grin. "That's what I'm counting on." I said with a laugh as I threw myself on the dusty grey couch.

This was a show I wanted to exit with a bang. "yes slayer." I siad my voice deep and gutteral. "I might be ash, but I'm going to take you with me."

Her words bothered me a little. Though it was hard to shake this sense of satisfaction. "I'd die and he'd save her then she'd die? What the hell kind of talk is that?" I asked angrily as I strowed about the apartment.

I had a few more things to get before I headed to Dru's. And I had so much to plan. Oh Buffy, if you onyl knew what I have in store for you.

I smiled. "Harmony Kendall. Best friend of Buffy Summers." I laughed as she cried. What Bliss.
1:37 am
V_I_L 6
I growled as we tossed about the main room of the apartment, and with one final kick, my sword went skiddering across the floor, she picked it up, so ferocious, so angry, so hurt. It radiated from her, pouring off like rain.

I grinned as she pushed me against the wall. "If you remember, Buffy." I said with a laugh. "We skipped the fucking part. And what a shame." I said laughing as she began to leave. "I'm sur eyou would have been a tiger in the bed."

"Can you protect them?" I asked as she reached the door. Her idle threats meant nothing to me, not now.
"Can you protect all of them from me?" I laughed as she continued to walk. I picked up the sword, and sent it sailing through the air, where it stuck into the wall infront of her.

"I swaer Buffy, you'll be the last to die." I laughed. And walked back deeper into the apartment. I had a few things ot get. I was moving in with Dru, the real woman for me.
1:37 am
V_I_L 5
I flew from the bed at her strength, and hit the opposing wall. I looked up from my pile on the ground with a laugh, and an evil grin. "Oh, do it again. I knew You'd like it rough." I said with another laugh, as I stood up to my full stature.

I walked halfway to Buffy, where she still sat on the bed. "Dru?" I asked with a laugh, licking a drop of blood from my bottom lip. "She did exactly what any other Daughter would do for her daddy." I said with a smile.

"Give him exactly what he secretly wants." I smiled. "You actually thought I enjoyed being all tormented by a soul and forced to love you? Sorry, wrong answer. I would have given anything to be my good old self again. You know, kill a few people here and there, it's great fun." I smiled, and picked up an antique sword from my coffee table.

"Drusilla gave me everything I wanted, including the love of a real woman. So, pack it up Slayer. You should consider youself outdated and overused." I sneered as I twirled the sword in my right hand and walked closer to her.
1:37 am
V_I_L 4
I clenched my hands on the bed, tearing at the black satin sheets. "I've always tried to make you happy Buffy." I said, my eyes, and face still looking down to the sheet, I hadn't moved an inch.

"And all you do is belittle me, and make me feel worse. Not anymore. Not after this." I said, and with that, I turned, to face her. My face that of a demonic killer. I flung myself at her, grabbing her wrists, and holding her fast against the wall.

"Sitting down huh? That's new, I'm always thought you'd like to try something exciting in the bed room." I said with a smile and a laugh as I leaned in for a harsh passionate kiss.

"You see sweetie, I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of wanting. Now it's my turn to get what i deserve." I said pushing her fiercly against the wall.

I laughed in sheer amusement. "what's wrong lover?" I asked with a smile. "Soemthing wrong? Gotten used to beign the butch in the relationship?" I asked with a deep throaty laugh.

I slapped her fiercly across the face. "Things change Love."
1:36 am
V_I_L 3
Raged boiled beneath my skin, and toppled over. That damn whore. But I couldn't, not yet, I didn't want to give her the biggest surprise til later.

"I know Buffy." I said hanging my head in shame. "I used today to think alot, and I dont' care what i said earlier. I know you're the right girl for me. I just know it. I don't care about anything else but you. You're all I think about. Please, Buffy." I looked up, my eyes dark, and rimmed with moisture.

"Give me this chance to prove to you just how deep my love goes." I said, swallowing back what would appear to be tears.

This, was by far my best performance yet, and maybe part of me did mean it. I mean what vampire hasn't wished to have sex with the slayer? A human with enough power and stamina to match my own. This would be a truely terrific evening.
1:36 am
v_i_l 2
"I was hoping you could tell me." I said with a wide grin, a little akward I grant you, but I couldn't repress. "I think tonight will be full of surprises." I said leaning in, kissing her passionately. My hands began to roams up the course of her back, and I began to work my magic, picking her up, still in a passionate kiss, I moved her over to the bed,

I laid her down gently, and stradled her legs, aroudn the knees. My hands continued to roam as we continued to kiss. "Oh Buffy." I said, my eyes as heart felt as I could make them. "I Love you." I said with a sadistic grin.

"I can't imagine a life without you." I held her tightly, my hands tracing the outside of her shirt. "I want to give tonight to you. To have, I promise to make this a night you'll remember forever." I said as I gently kissed her neck, moving down her collar bone.

What fun, what bliss. I could destroy her on two levels, and I planend on doing so. I'd take something from her she could never get back.
1:35 am
had thought it out, painstakingly planned our entire evening. "Now the show begins." I said amusedly as I watched the dark orange sun slip into the western horizon. I left from Dru's crypt quickly, I had to beat Buffy to the apartment.

"I hope you enjoy the surprise slayer." I said, a smirk spreading across my face. "It's truely to die for." I entered the back door, and set "the mood". Assorted candles, a little music, and a few books strown about assorted tables. Had to make it look like I was still burdened with a soul. For a little while atleast.

I heard two satisfying knocks on the door, I grinned. "Showtime." I said to myself, I straightened my broody attire, and smiled as I walked to the door. I opened it gently.

"Biffy?" I asked sincerely. "Honestly, I wasn't sure if you'd come. I guess I thought you were still mad at me." I said from the doorway. Moving so she could step inside.

She smelt so good, it took all my strength to resist the urge to jump at her throbbing neck muscles right then and there. I could practically taste the power radiating from her.

What a fine feast a slayer would make. What a fine trophy to bring to my Drusilla. "Oh, come in." I said shaking my head clumbsily. "Please." I moved back evern further from the door way, and kept a rather straight face. What joy and bliss this would be. I was nervous with anticipation. This would be a night to remember my dear. Truly.
Sunday, August 10th, 2003
3:38 am
vampires_in_luv xander
As we stood fairly alone on the sidewalk, I prodded my swelling nose as we walked. "Hey, I can save money on those wacky clown noses at Halloween." I said in attempts to find something positive from a throbbing bright red nose. "And it's not a direct turn off is it? I mean, you're a girl right? How big of a no is a bright red nose? I mean handicapped kids get all the women! I could claim a birth defect." I said with a grin, pulling the corners of my mouth up too far, an dhurting my nose. "Ow..ow.."

"Maybe a doctor of some sorts would be a good idea. You tell them you're family, you could always lie and say you were my wif, and we were too broke to afford any wings, or better yet, we both lost our wedding rings, and birth certificates in a tragic fire that wiped out half of Sunnydale...No, I somehow think that wont work."

I side, I didn't know if it was the pulsing pain on my face, or still trying to cope with Cordelia liking me, that made me this incoherant. Whatever it was, it was working quite well, my incoherantness was very unbroken, oh no, it worked fine. I should be proud.

I looked over to Cordelia, and then in the direction of the hospital. "Oh yeah, right now I'm feeling linoleum floors, flourescent lighting, bad gellatin, and a few hours of sleep while my aching nostrils calm down." I said with a nod, and a squeeze of her hand. "So, if it's quite alright with you, could we go seek medical attention please?"

Current Mood: sick
2:54 am
Vampires_in_luv Angelus
It was fantastic. Being back, how I missed walking around amongst the living. Watching them mill about like cows off to slaughter. It was so insanely poetic. I felt like a new man, maybe because I was. I was no longer burdened with a soul, and besides it didn't go with anything in my closet anyway. Right now, however, I was on a mission, I needed to find my sweet little plum Dru, and thank her for my new outlook on life. I mean it was clearly obvious that she was responsible for the new pep in my step. It's certainly not a birthday gift from Buffy.

I knew exactly where Dru's hideout was, I was planning on burning it to the ground tonight. Well, plans change, right now I needed to give my little girl, and hug and a kiss like she deserves.I knew for a fact she was alone, Spike had been far too friendly to still be under Dru's wing, and I had no clue where Darla was. Point is, my baby was alone, I'd have to fix that. Maybe I could bring her a present. Who could turn down a bound, and gagged pretty girl?

Just my style. As I walked down the street, I saw two young women walking as well. They seemed to be having a rather cheery conversation about something or another. I smiled charmingly, and made my way towards them. "Ladies, Hello." I said full of finesse and charm.

They stopped, and smiled, the taller one blushed just a little. Oh how I loved to see the blood rise in their cheeks. "Yes?" Answered the shorter blonde.

"I was wondering if you could help me." I smiled and led them around the corner talking about various things. Then all of a sudden, a high pitched scream penetrated the dead night silence. the taller girl fell to the ground, dead, I had a gut full of warm blood, how it should be. The shorter girl had run down into the alley. "Great." I said with a wide grin. "I always love a good chase." I smiled and pursued slowly, I was in no hurry, I knew this alley dead ended. She didn't.

Eventually, I had her cornered, and all it took was a few blows to the head to render her unconcious. I'd let Dru do what she'd like with her present. I hefted the girl over my shoulder, and continued on my way towards the graveyard to see my princess.

When I arrived at the crypt, I had a few assorted minions to toss aside. Nothing too big Dru didn't need much security. It'd take someone very stupid, or strong to go up against her. Neither had much of a chance of succeeding. ONce inside, it didn't take long for me to spot her.

The tiny, ghost-like, sihlouette creeping in the shadows at teh back of the room. "Dru." I said, my voice, hard and cold. Might as well play is out.

"Angel?...Angelus?" She asked, her voice as sweet as candy,she sounded like an excited baby.

"That's right baby, daddy's home." I said with a grin through my pointed fangs as I dropped her present to the floor. "I even brought you something to play with." I said nodding to the unconcious girl.

Drusilla's eyes widened, as she stepped out of the shadows on tiny satined feet. Her eyes were wide, and a smokey grey. Her lips looked like they had been painted in blood, and her skin was as white, and pale, as the porcelin doll she still carried around with her. Miss Edith.

She eyed the young girl suspiciously. "No tricks." She said squinting, I knew she would have been able to tell the moment I arrived if I had ill intentions, this was mostly for show.

"No Tricks." I said holding my hands out. I took a few steps closer to her. It had been only hours since I had last seen her, and yet her beauty seemed to be magnified a million times since then.

She grinned, revealing her pearly white teeth, a great contrast against her dark red lips. She quickly made her way over to me, wraping her arms behind my neck. "My Daddy's home, and ready to be a bad boy." She nipped at the outside of my lips.

I grinned sadistically, and tok her into my arms, liftign her of the ground and spinning her. Placing her forcefully back on the ground, leaning in, I kissed her passionately. "Thanks to you baby." I said looking around.

"Where's your Spike?" I said practically spitting out his name.

"Spike's gone and flown away, he left with Grandmum. They've been naughty together, and forgotten abotu poor lonesome Drusilla. So I made my daddy come home, now I'm not alone." she said swaying on the tips of her toes.

"Shame on them huh Dru?" I asked wrapping my arms lovingly around her stomach. "Well, daddy promises to stay right here ok?"

Her eyes lit up like a little girl at christmas. "Oh Daddy." She said in joy. "We'll make such naughty things happen wont we?" She asked happily.

"You can count on it Princess." I said with an evil grin, releasing my grip on her. "Now, do something with your present before it comes to. We can play with her later tonight." I said picking a pair of sciccors off Dru's counter by the handle, and letting them hang lazily from my finger. "We'll have fun tonight."

"Oh Daddy! We can cut her to rippons?" She asked pleadingly.

"Of course. Anything you want princess." I replied with an evil grin.
Saturday, August 9th, 2003
2:59 pm
I needed to find Buffy. After out little encounter, I had half hoped she would have followed me when I left, I knew I couldn't stay angry, or upset with her for any period of time, and now when she needed my help the most, I was deserting her. I could never do that to her and not feel bad.

Now, I was off to make it better. Make Amends. She may never love me again, but atleast my soul could rest easy knowing I tried. She had left with Harmony, which meant, that she was probably going to Harmony's house. Just my luck there was only one rather large house with a birght pink convertable parked out front.

I stood outside the house for what seemed like ever, until I convinced myself to walk up to the door. I stood on the door step even longer then I had outside the house. I didn't know if I was ready to do this.

Then, what Drusilla had said kept trickling through my mind. She was up to something, and it was my job to warn Buffy, weither we were dating or not, I was still obligated.

On that thought, I faced the door, and knocked twice gently, and once hard. I heard a few noises from inside, and the door cracke dopen to reveal Harmony. "Can I talk to Buffy?"

She kept the door at a crack. "No, go away, you've way upset her!" She said orlling her eyes. "She damaged, and needs sugar and Tom Cruise. You so blew your chance Buddy." She began to shut the door.

"No, Please." I said, pleading with my eyes, I knew I couldn't come in her house, I just needed her to let me see Buffy. "I have to speak to Buffy."

"Fine." She sai dnot moving the door an inch, "I'll go get her. You stay here." She shut the door and retreated into the house, all I had to do now, was wait.
1:01 am
Everyone's joy and bliss is getting really annoying lately. No no, not annoying, it's grating on my last nerve, watchign them galavant about with their squishy feelings. I mean this is just tacky. The other day I caught Anya and Cordelia in a baby store singing the theme to the Care Bears movies, all of which were highly underated, and looking at children's clothing talking about how good it would be to hear the pitter patter of little feet around their house. I knew those girls were freaky, but this taking it up a notch.

However, I've found myself spending alot of close bonding time with Dawn. Now, dont' get me wrong, I simply adore that cookey kid, but, there's also the whole issue of her being the only other sane person I know. Puts a kind of damper on alot of things, if you get what I'm saying.

We've decided something is definetly up, and since Giles is a little bit too laid back and experiencing, as what one might cal,l a mid-life insanity streak, I'd say it was up to us to hit the books, and do that crazy research thing. Granted, not my favorite activity, but I can't take much more of hugging, and tears of joy. Someone's liable to loose vital organs if I hear the L word one more time before I'm fifty.

I've even taken to sleeping on my couch so Dawn can have my bed a few times this past week. I wouldn't want to stay in the Sugar Shack either if I had a choice. Plus I kind of like my couch, it's all springy. Very nice texture, and nothigngsays "I Don't Love You." Like a wonderful post couch sleeping back pain. Makes me feel all manly, and sore. They're good aches and pains.

But, it's worth it, to see her stumble out of the bed room, around noon, in her froggie pajamas, and mumbly ask for cereal and a shower. Not that I think about her in the shower...or cereal, or both...together. And so, then we talk more about anything other than love. I mean there's an entire love free world out there. We've got, poverty, war, racism, why the hell is everyone so happy? Being happy wont feed armless, legless, willie less, little boys in third world countries! I'm reading too far into this aren't I?
Friday, August 8th, 2003
3:02 am
A small, almost undetectable smile crept across my face. "That's my girl." I whispered into the night. She still managed ot be strong. If I didn't know anything else about her, that would suffice. "Buffy, you'll fin dout one day. Love isn't really everything." I held my head low. I knew we would have to have this conversation sooner or later. I had rathe rget it out of the way now.

"Well never be the perfect couple. I can never give you the things I long to. Picnics, trips to the beach. We can't have a house, and I know I've told you this before, but you don't seem to understand. int he long run, there can be no us." I hung my head in shame. She was a teenager, I knew that. She tooks relationships much more seriously than I ever would dream to.

"Buffy, you deserve a better life that that. You already have your share of darkness. You need love from someone who can give you what you need. When You need it." I took a step away from her. I could practically hear the tears.

"We're fine for now. We're in love. But what will we have a week, a month, a year from now?" I closed my eyes, my voice waving. "Best case scenario, you'll grow old, and I'll stay like this, Buffy..."

I looked away towards the dark alley to my left. A way out, an escape, running away had never been noble, but it had always worked. "it's too soon...." I said continuing to back away. "it's just too soon to say love...especialy forever."

With that, I left. I knew she had been through a rough time lately, and my recent actions were definetly not helping. I was causing her much more grief and pain than she deserved. I shuddered as I faded into darkness. I could hear her tears in the darkness, they invaded the shadows, and reached to my very core.

I continued to walk down the alley, my shoes tapping against the cold barren floor. Why stop, why now? I walked until the alley ended and poured into a street, that where I saw it.

The two figures, to the untrained eye, would have seemed to have been passionately kissing. The female planted on the male's collar bone, but this was no pasionate kiss, this was the kiss of death.

I knew it wa sher, I could smell it, I had dreaded this moment since I knew she was here. "Dru." I said, I wasn't sure if I said them aloud or not, but she looked up just the same.

"My Angel." She said in a sickly demented voice. Throwing the limp figure of the guy to the ground. "You've come to play with your baby?" She asked weaving her seductive way towards me. Her arms swimming about in front of her like serpents.

"What are you doing here Dru?" I asked, looking down upon her petiete frame. Although her size hardly meant she was fragile. Oh no, she wa squite spry, and deadly.

"Why, looking for my daddy, and a bit of fun." She grinned madly as she said fun. Her lips peeling back revealing red stained pointed teeth.

"You need to leave." I said, fists clenched.

"And why's that?" She asked moving ever closer I could smell the lilac and mulberry fragrance she always seemed to have no matter how many centuries she had seen.

"This wont end Well Dru." I replied strenously.

"Oh, I know it wont." She said face wide with excitement. "I was planning on that daddy."
2:58 am
I exhaled heavily, being around Drusilla was like being around a mad, wild, animal. She could turn on a dime, and would do just that simply for fun. She delighted in her insanity and everything that came with it. "Drusilla, just leave..now."

"Why?" She asked with a smile, our bodies unbelievably close. "Afraid the slayer will come? Make your baby all poof and ashes? I can smell her. You're drowning in her." She said with a hiss.

"You leave Buffy out of this Dru." I snapped. She looked hurt, not good.

She whined. "Angel's all mad, Dru only wanted to make him happy." She whined, and pouted, her eyes looked genuinely hurt. I resisted the urge to apologize.

"Dru, you need to leave." I said, my face switching from mildmannered Angel to the demon. I coudl feel the lumps, and the extended teeth.

"There's my bad boy." She said with a growl moving ever closer, her face changed as well, and she was still beautiful. I remember how she looked all those centuries ago, so meek so shy. Now she was feral, demon, exotic, and gorgeous.

I moved closer, our face inches apart. "Dru, she'll kill you, all of you. You've got to go. Somewhere far away from here, she's different from the others." She raised her finger to my lips.

"Shhh." She said through pointed teeth. "She wont lay a hand on your Dru." She nipped at my lips.

"No," I said stubbornly, I couldn't deny the fact that she was attractive, not to mention mesmorizing.

She stopped, her lips resting on mine. "Do you my Angel, do you love her?" She asked. Her small head tilted to the side in question. Long raven locks cascading ove rher shoulders.

"Yes." I replied quietly. She jerked back in horror and hissed.

"She's poisoned you." She screamed, her finger tips restign on my forhead. "She's poisoned your perfect head." She said softly. "I'll save you my Angel, just wait." She said as she took her steps backward, disappearing into darkness.

I just stood there, completely confused. "What will you do princess?"
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
1:04 am
angel v_i_l
Beating the hell out of Willie had given me less that no leads, not that I was really expecting much. I just hate it when things happen to people, Buffy, and I can do nothing to stop it. Kind of gets a guy's blood boiling, speaking relatively. From what I had gathered at Willie's Place, quite a few disgruntled magic users were hiding out around Sunnydale. Something big, magically big, was going to happen soon, and they all wanted front row seats. What scum. Delighting in the pain of others. I had forgotten how weak evil beings were.

I didn't know where Buffy was, whoe she was with, or what she was doing. I know that it's mainly the parents, and not the boyfriend's job to worry about such things, but I couldn't help it. What if she was still under the spell? There's no telling what loosers she and Harmony would find, and deem handsome enough to make with the smoochies with. A low gutteral growl escaped my throat as I paced about my dingy apartment. I looked to the assorted items of worship in their glass cases, and sighed. For a supposed Holy Man, I didn't have much faith in my girl.

But as she was the last time I had seen her, I didn't have a reason to be trusting and caring with the one thing in this world I loved. Buffy.
1:03 am
xander v_i_l
So, so far so good. I thought as I clasped my hands together, and looked around the Bronze. I had called Willow's no answer, so I left a very humble message about a Bronze meeting, didn't know if she'd show, big surprise. She and her way too cool boyfriend in a band, were probably making with the smoochies, and the ontop of the clothes sex. I shuddered, as I sat at ourtable....former. I sipped on my coke as if it were lined with arsenic and I wanted to die a slow, painful, and yet, quite effective, death.

When she arrived there would be talk, scolding, and possible drink throwage, and cursing. So, me being Mr. Practical guy, had planned ahead. I was wearing a pair of dark khakis, a white longe sleeved shirt, and a vest made out of what looked like a recycled red parka, and probably was. Should absorb some of the spilage. Call me the brains. I smiled, I laughed, I evern got all teared up when they played It's tough to have a crush, by Ok Go. Ok, so it's about gay guys, but come on! It's touching.

And there I sat, yes, still with the sitting, and the munching on the peanuts and the coke. I watched as all the happy couples held hands, and made with the kissy faces. They cuddled, and smiled, and laughed, something I had once had with Willow. I mean, I did the whole romantic dinner and a movie and everything. Where did I go wrong? Was it the shoes? Cause hey I can fix those. I've got plenty of duct tape. Maybe she didn't feel, not what I felt, maybe I was in love with her, and she didn't love me back.

I sank my face into my hands, and my head slowly hit the table. "It's official, Xander Harris was bred and born a looser. There's no love in this boys near future. No siree. Because that would be too easy." My head hit the table with a resounding thud. I decided that basking in the wonderful thought that my life sucked and everybody was on the happy train kepy me company at my lonely table.
1:01 am
Ok, so Dawn knows. About the whole love thing. Granted, she didn't really find out precisely how I wanted her to. I mean, there were no flowers, nor were there any guys dressed as bellhops singing. It was very un picture-esque. But I think she reacted very well...with the laughing and the smiling. I'm begining to sound unconvincing aren't I? But no worries, she didn't vomit, or run away like any other girl i've said the big L word to.

Oh My God! Does that mean she feels it too? Or was she just doing that patronizing thing you do to little kids when they're as dumb as a brick but tell you they're gonna be a doctor? And you just smile and go Ok kid whatever you say. Cause I know a few brick heads who became great burger flippers. Bad brain! get back on track!

Anyway, as much as I'd hate to say it, the whole Dawn fiasco, is becoming the least of my problems. Like with everyone else, acting like they've been eating one too many Ted cookies..ok! Am I the only person who appreciated the man's cookies? I mean he was a culinary genius! We're talking quality food goods, and he wa sso underappreciated. He was also an evil robot, but hey! We've all got our vices!

Willow, Tara, Faith, Buffy, Cordy, Anya, and yes, even Giles, seem to be high on life, we're talking, the wind's in my hair and the hills are alive with the sound of music happy. Ahn, even loved me enough to tell me she was sorry my girlfriend died, and that she would gladly be my orgasim friend again if it weren't for Cordelia. See! I knew she'd ruin my life more than once. Damn you Cordy!

But on a very serious level, everyone's been a bit wacky. With the thrills, and the giggles, and the puppy dog eyes. And the how 'thankful and glad' they are about every little thing. It's begining to turn into a 50's sitcom. Where little Janie runs around in a poodle skirt, and does her homework before five everyday so she can help her mom with the dishes. LIke that would ever happen in an American home!

We're talking way too happy, and not quite black and white. So yeah, it's way bad. Only Dawn and I seem capable of being down, or sad. Yeah for us? I'm getting really sick and tired of this Brady Bunch stich. I'm going to Buffy's see if Dawn's home. We need to talk, and be around each other, and make with the sweet, passionate loving. Or not....you know, we could just get to the bottom of the whole, peace, love, and let's all die thing. Because let's face it, everything wants us to die.
Monday, July 21st, 2003
10:23 am
After a night of ravishings that giddy, gossipful house wives would consider an atrocity, we slept the day away.

The sun rose on the east, and I could feel it, I felt it slinking across the sky, as if it were searching for us, hunting for our flesh, and I felt it, as it defeatedly sunk into the western sky.

I touched the pale, bare, cool, skin of my lover. "It's time to go out, we'll leave the kiddies at home if we must." I whispered tenderly into her naked ear.

She smelt of sweat and honey, her, strong, curvacious body lay almost limp beneath the pale creme covers. To any observer, she would seem dead. Perhaps that was because she was. A lifeless corpse without the smell or the decay.

Yet, she roused at my touch. I kissed the top of her hand, as I rose from the bed, the sheets falling from my large, bulky form, into a heap on the bed where I had previously lain. My naked form stood tall and dark in the corner of the room, as I grabbed for my trousers and shirts. Changing in the cold, unheated room. Temperature was of no concern of mine.

After a few minutes, I was nearly dressed, tying my tie in the appropriate knot. I grabbed my eagle headed cane, and turned to face my sweet as she clothed herself.

Her skin was as pale as milk, and tasted just as sweet. Her lips were as full as a budded rose, as her hair fell in large giant waves of honey.

Her hands were small, and slender, and inside them she held the charred, black, form of my non beating heart. She owned my will, and my life.

After our run in with the slayer, I had been worried about Darla, for there were scars she could always hide, from everyone, but me.

I walked towards her, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Squeezing them close, her bare back facing my chest. "I know that you ache, and I know that you long for a big finish." I whispered into her ear. "but it is not time for you to give yourself to the ashes." I said kissing the side of her head sweetly. "you wouldn't want to go before Spike would you? You know I'd never let him have that satisfaction of seeing you wither."

"Now, we go, see what we can find out about this slayer eh? I want to see her blood splattered on the floor for what she did to you." I said touching the melting scar with my bare hand.

"She'll scream for mercy."

Current Mood: Determined
9:02 am
I just left her there, it pained me to be around Buffy when she was acting so different, nothing like the girl woman I loved. So, with a gentle kiss to her forehead, I decided it was best if I leave, go try to find some information on whoever felt liek castign a spell on the slayer, I cast a glance to Harmony on the porch as I left, and company.

My search took me straight to Willie's, he seemed to know everything about everything that went on in the demon world around here. I burst through the door, not worryign abotu all the assorted demons/vampires, that loked up at my rude entrance. Willie saw me as well, I swear he went a few shades lighter.

"Angel! My buddy, my pal." He said with a nervous grin. "What can I do for you today? I just got in a new shipment of some very nice blood, best on the market. How 'botu a free sample huh?"

And with that, I was over to the bar, the neck of his shirt in my hands. Anyone within a ten foot radius had backed up to the other end of the bar. This wouldn't end well. "You know what Willie, I am kinda hungry." With that, I vamped out, "But I'm not in the mood for immitations." I said coming closer and closer to his neck.

Willie shrieked, and began to babble, "Aww Angel, come on! You dont' want me, I'm your pal, it's me Willie remember? And plus you've got a soul now, you wouldn't want to hurt a human would ya?"

I stopped, my face returning to normal, I threw him back sending him staggering into the racks, upon racks of drinks. "Willie, scum like you, is hardly human." I said with a growl. "But I want information."

"Oh see," Willie said with a sigh. "There I can help you buddy, I'm the guy to talk to when it comes to information, got everything on the downlow though alright?" He smiled, and straightened his shirt.

"yeah, right." I replied taking a seat at the bar. "It's some sort of Lust spell,or desire spell, I want to know who cast it, and why." I said elbows restign on the bar top.

"Oh, well." Willie said nervously polishing an empty glass with his moth eaten dish rag. "You see Angel, I wish I knew but I ain't heard nothign about no.."

And then and there, I sent a fist, knuckles first colliding into his face. "what'd you say Willie?" I asked sitting back down.

"oww, I mean oww!" He said, his hand ccovering his right cheek. "That was uncalled for!" He said his voice a little shaken.

"Well, I might have to hit a little harder next time, and every time after that until I get some answers." I said, my face, cool, calm, and stern.

"no no," Willie said holding out his hands. "I think, it's all coming back to me now. Yeah, I think I rememebr somethign about I guy being in here last week, talking somethign big abotu a desire spell." He said with a nod.

"Really?" I asked. "I'm listening.

"Yeah, yeah, guy goes by the name Ethan Rayne? Am I right?" He asked with a smile.

I just stared at him, complacent dark orbs observing his lonesome writhing self. "Yeah Willie your right."

"and that's all I know, I swear." He said wincing from the pain in his face.

"Fine." I said getting up, and turnign around my coat flowed behidn me. "Willie." I aske dover my shoulder.

"yeah Angel, my buddy." He said afraid he'd have to meet my fist again.

"i'll have one to go." I said solemnly.

"sure thing Pal! Your buddy Willie will fix you right up." He said with a smile.

Current Mood: Strangely Satisfied
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